"Unravel Me ..."
I breathed this prayer a few short sunrises ago. It seemed appropriate at the time, a quickening of the Spirit upon my spirit. But the prayer looks tantilizingly more inviting on paper than discovering its truth in the reality of life.
Unravelling. It seems these past few days, all around has been slowly unravelling. What was supposed to be a home run, a slam dunk, evidenced itself instead as a large, looming question mark. Doubt, fear, anxiety rears it's monstrous head and I find myself clinging to frays of thread slipping through my fingers.
Is this a dead end?
Is God for us?
Where do we go now?
The Complexity of Mystery
I love a good mystery. When I was young, I used to stay in bed when I woke up in the morning, cramming underneath the covers to read my Nancy Drew books before anyone knew I was awake. I wanted to figure out the ending on my own, unravel the plot, capture the villain.
But sometimes the plot unravels at a speed we're not prepared for. We reach for hope only to find it slip through our fingers like thread through a needle. The strands unravel, our work left undone.
Sometimes our unravelling can also be our undoing.
"Undo me, Lord ..."
What happens when we don't know the ending? Because this side of heaven, we are living in the complexity of not having the whole story. It is only when I come to the end, the end of my self, the end of my rope, the end of my dreams, that I find You alone, holding the threads at the other end.
"In the midst of all this mystery, all these questions, center my heart on You ..."
Highways from Dead Ends
And so I continue to question this path we're on. The complexity found in the mystery of the road we travel. The fear inside my heart asks, "What if it all leads to a dead end?"
But there are no dead ends with the one Who is beginning and end.
At the end of our undoing, we find You, the Omega. And in the midst of all my doubts, You strengthen my faith with a verse I read several weeks ago: "The path of the upright is a highway." (Proverbs 15:19)
Our path is meant to be a highway, not a dead end.
"Lord, please make highways out of our dead ends ..."
Highways evoke the feeling of freedom. We choose which lane we want to drive in, how fast we want to drive, in moderation of course, and the road is wide open before us.
We have a God who delights in making highways out of dead ends.
I love what Keil and Delitzsch's Commentary says, "The path of those who wait truly and honestly on their calling, and prosecute their aim, is raised up like a skillfully made street, so that unhindered and quickly they go forward."
"What if all this unraveling is really just a gathering of loose threads that need to be wound tighter to You?"
A few hours after I prayed that Christ would unravel me, I received an email from a friend. Her exact words written on the page were, "Praying for your family and all the changes that are enfolding (even if it feels like an unravelling)."
It may feel like an unravelling, but thread by thread He is enfolding us into Him. From glory to glory, mystery to mystery, beginning to end. May we be so closely entwined to the Man with the splintered hands that our all our ends and beginnings are lost in Him.
Momma to three pixies, Lyric, Brielle, and Zion, wife to a Viking-loving writer, daughter of the King. My blog reflects living the lyrics of the cross in the beauty of everyday. I hold a Masters in theology, but more importantly, I host several barn owls in the second acre. We are all about breathing deep here and soaking in the glory of life.