Where I Want To Be

Our middle pixie loves beauty. She loves to paint, draw, design clothes. She’s never met a flower she didn’t pick. Lately, her new thing is to create songs. Late the other night, as she was riding her bike outside, I could hear her singing. Brielle came riding over, very proud of herself, and proclaimed: “Mommy, I just wrote four new songs. Want to hear what they are called?”

As any proud momma would respond, I heartily told her "yes". With a huge grin on her face, Brielle told me the four titles:

“I would change a girl or boy's bad soul.”
“If I were a bad person, I would change myself.”
“Jesus died on the cross for our sins.”

(and last but not least)
Firefighters.”

Inside I burst out laughing. How firefighters ties in with the other titles I have yet to discover.

I’ve been thinking about the titles of those songs all week. I love that her spirit even at this young age, is tender to the truth. I love that she is lost in the wonder of creating beauty. And, I love that in her child-like faith she is exemplifying to me what it means to “become like little children.”

This is where I want to be. 

Child-like in His presence. Lost in the wonder.

Holy Moments

One of my favorite passages of Scripture is where the Lord tells Moses, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” (Exodus 33:14) God is sending Moses out, and Moses knows it is useless to move forward on his own. If the presence of God does not go with him, he does not want to go. Moses is child-like in the presence of the Lord, knowing he needs his Father to go with him.

The word presence in this verse is literally translated as face. The very face of God will go with Moses. He can behold His God the same way a child beholds his parents.

If I see the face of God, I can rest like a child knowing He is near. 

When Tim suggested we move to England three years ago, I was knee-deep in diapers, toddlers, and sleep deprivation. The thought of moving our family of five overseas was so overwhelming, I immediately resisted. But, tenderly, the Lord made His face so real in the details that I knew His presence was leading us to Oxford. 

And so we packed up, sold our house, and landed in Heathrow with just a few bags and a pocket-full of dreams. Those two years in Oxford were perhaps the best years of our life to date. Magical. I discovered the One Who goes before Me in such a tangible way that I would not have if I had not followed the call. I could see His face just like a little child sees the face of her mother. Each step of the way Yahweh made His presence, His very face, known.

It was terrifying. It was exhilarating. It was life-changing.

Michael Yaconelli calls these “holy moments” in his book Dangerous Wonder: 

I want a lifetime of holy moments. Every day I want to be in dangerous proximity to Jesus. I long for a life that explodes with meaning and is filled with adventure, wonder, risk, and danger."

I found the most profound peace outside the comfort of my own borders.
I discovered still waters when bouncing among the ocean waves.
I heard the most beautiful melodies woven throughout the mystery.

All I want is to see the face of Jesus. To know without a shadow of a doubt His presence is with me.

This is where I want to be.

The Weight of Wonder

I also love that Moses is child-like in the passage when He asks the Lord boldly, “Now show me Your glory.” (v.18) It is a child-like confidence that can make such a bold request. Children believe in the magical, beautiful, glorious.

The word here for glory in Hebrew is kabod. It comes from a root which denotes “heaviness” or “weight.” There is a heaviness to the glory of Yahweh. Moses had to hide His face in the cleft of the rock because he could not look upon Yahweh’s face, His presence. It is the weightiest of wonders man can know.

I want to live my life in the weight of this wonder. This is where I want to be. 

To be in the presence of God, frightened and amazed at the same time! To feel as if you are in the presence of Life itself, yet with your soul shaking in both terror and gratitude.”  (Michael Yaconelli)
Addison's Walk, Magdalen College, Oxford University 

Addison's Walk, Magdalen College, Oxford University 

What is so amazing is that this same weight is inside us Who possess the Holy Spirit. His presence, His glory, rests within each one of us. This is where we find our worth. The word kabod often means the riches or the distinction of a man.

A.M. Ramsey in The Glory of God and the Transfiguration of Christ writes, “Kabod can mean a man’s self or spirit. The inward spirit of a man is his glory, the thing wherein his weight or worth is believed to consist.”

Our spirit is our glory.

He is always calling us to greater things. To risk comfort for danger, security for the unknown. But He gives us the promise of His presence. We are a distinct people, marked by His Holy kabod. He gives us a song to sing within our spirit--our glory.

My heart is fixed, O God; I will sing, yea, I will sing even with my glory (spirit).” Psalm 58:1

The glory burns within me. My eyes are transfixed on His face. Each morning I get to choose where I want to be on this journey of life. It doesn’t matter if I am in England or the U.S., His presence is present.

Wherever I am standing on my small plot of earth, let it be in His presence. His face is as real as the firefighter my pixie sings about. I choose to be child-like in His presence, lost in the wonder.

This is where I want to be. 

 

 

 

Momma to three pixies, Lyric, Brielle, and Zion, wife to a Viking-loving writer, daughter of the King. My blog reflects living the lyrics of the cross in the beauty of everyday. I hold a Masters in theology, but more importantly, I host several barn owls in the second acre. We are all about breathing deep here and soaking in the glory of life.