Kept Count of My Wanderings
It’s a word that was the theme of my life last year: “Wanderings.” It began at the beginning of the year with the song by All Sons and Daughters, “Path of Sorrows”.
I wrote a post on it called "My Wanderings." When I first heard the song, I was walking through the great room in our old house at the Second Acre. The melody captured me at first, but when I began to listen to the words, I had to actually stop and go sit in a chair.
I began weeping as I listened to the lyrics.
True lyrics of the cross.
Lyrics that speak directly to your spirit. The kind that confirm Jesus in your life.
Last year was been a whirlwind for Tim and I. We had mountain high experiences, and paths along the peaks that were so overwhelming, The gratitude I felt could not be contained.
When you walk a new path of joy you were not expecting to travel the emotions can be overwhelming. The experiences may be new, the emotions raw, but the one thing that remains consistent always is the Guide.
We have this hope, that Christ is the same today as He was yesterday and will be tomorrow. When the terrain is different, His staff is still the same, leading us on. The heights may overwhelm or terrify in their magnificence, but the constant ripple underneath is that all the way the Savior leads.
We were on the heights last year, but we also dropped to the valleys. The path is never cut and dry. Sorrow and doubt led us to trek in ravines full of questions and wonderings.
In life, the queries mount, yet we press on one foot in front of the other. The Lord is my shepherd: I lack nothing.
Wanderings through heights.
Wanderings through depths.
The other morning I pulled out my Bible on the front porch to continue reading where I had last left off in the Psalms. I was excited to find that I was beginning Psalm 56, a favorite of mine.
I have read this particular passage many times before, but usually in the NIV or NASB. Tim surprised me a few months ago with a beautiful, new leather bound journaling Bible. (I guess he got tired of picking up the pages to my tattered Bible I have had since before I met him).
My new Bible is the ESVversion and it has been wonderful to read familiar verses from the perspective of a new version.
As I began reading verse eight in chapter fifty-six, my heart beat with anticipation as it was a favorite of mine:
“You have kept count of my tossings, put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?”
This verse became a favorite of mine in highschool. The imagery of the Lord putting my tears in a bottle brought worth to the tears that fell. The tears I cry, he has stored.
Bookworm that I am, I noticed the small footnote next to the word “tossings.”
I had to explore further. I searched the footnote and found the word “wanderings.” It was so small I had to read it again. Sure enough, “wanderings.”
The first line of this favorite verse of mine can also be translated, “You have kept count of my wanderings.”
I closed my Bible and sat there unmoving for several minutes.
Hushed. Silence. Awe.
There could not have been a word spoken to me more specifically than His voice telling me through His word, “I am keeping count of all your wanderings.”
These paths you travel, the wanderings that take me to soaring heights but also low valleys, He sees. He knows. He is keeping count.
I’ve shared before that one of my favorite quotes by Tolkein suggests, “All who wander are not lost.”
We are never lost, as long as the Shepherd is the guide.
“I know. I know You remain the same, even in, even in, my wanderings.
Sometimes I often wonder
If You have let me down
Why does it seem I walk alone
Where trouble finds me out
But sorrow as my company
I fix my eyes on You
Soon again I’ll praise Your name
And feel my soul renewed."
I could feel my soul being renewed. Just knowing that His eye was upon me, and is upon me in every wandering I take, whether it’s up to the mountain heights, or the valleys below. He has kept count ...
Be assured, lovelies, that He is keeping count. He knows, He sees you right where you are. Your tears are in His bottle, Your wanderings in His book. He has this new year in His hand. Every wandering you take He is there, keeping count.